This is well written and thought provoking. I think of a friend of mine from recovery rooms. He was so brilliant and he helped me so much to get sober. For years he thrived without medication. Then, something happened, after which he could never get back to stability long enough to stay sober again. It wasn't my job to fix him. I was free to simply love him and to have good boundaries with him when he was a jerk. I think it's great that there are consumers engaged in revising the system. My wise friend had a great deal of compassion for other people living on the streets and going through that system. He would spend his social security check on little gifts for all his fellows. Anyway, thanks for the essay.
Thank you for giving it a thoughtful read, Heather, and for sharing the story of your friend. Yes, it's amazing how much compassion and wisdom abound in all corners of our world.
Thank you for this, Maia. My father spent time in a state mental hospital (Utica, NY), and I doubt the experience did much good for him. I don’t know what his diagnosis was and even my mom and sisters didn’t know … which should tell you something. I remember he blamed himself for the Vietnam War, convinced that if he hadn’t quit his job at the creamery, the war wouldn’t have started and all those boys wouldn’t have died. He fixated on Oral Roberts and would tell us kids not to change the TV channel. I witnessed his shame at being “ill” and unable to hold a job. I witnessed the ridicule he suffered from my mother and the impatience from us, his kids. Maybe we couldn’t have “cured” him with love, but I believe he would have been less ill if he had been loved.
Marie... deep breath. I can feel the pain your words and that story about your dad. I am so sorry that you, your family, and especially your dad had to experience that level of suffering. Yes, the time I spent in the state mental hospital and other behavioral health care settings showed me that they rarely if ever are good for the patient, other than offering some semblance of structure and safety, for a short while.
There is so much shame, for both the person and their family. Yes, love makes a difference if not a 'cure,' but I also want to encourage you to see that it's not right for all this to fall on an individual, or a family. We also live in a society and culture that shames 'mental illness' (and even as there is some progress around stigma this is still basically the case) and that doesn't create spaces for people to truly heal, as best as they can. It's a very similar dynamic around elders and caregiving, where families are left to do this on their own and soon become drained, emotionally and financially. I wish it were otherwise, and I continue to hold a vision of a world where something else is possible.
Thank you for that insight, Maia, that “it’s not right for all this to fall on an individual, or a family.” My mom was left juggling work and four kids pretty much on her own. I can’t even imagine the stress, although we had other family members and friends who softened the edges. I think one of the problems with our (U.S.) society is that we tend to warehouse people, put them out of sight and, thus, out of mind. And yet we all, as you say, fall into these categories eventually even if temporarily (except for aging … that is not temporary). It’s not such a leap to believe that if we help others, we are helping ourselves.
I am a savant with many crazy family members that are like Joe. The difference between them and myself is my trauma in infancy caused my brain to forge a connection between my somatic, cognitive, metacognitive and physical.
I grew up in hell. But my brain is wired to heal itself. I am living proof how higher intelligence is healthier. Even for a savant my brain functioning is exceptional. Yet in our systems I am labeled as neurodivergent and disordered. Creative Intelligence is pathologized.
Our systems are run by morons and psychopaths. The most sensitive are supposed function like my brain. The most creative are supposed to live with their emotions and intellect functioning as one. Our society causes all of this pain.
I have a process I teach the most creatives to understand how they learn. It reconnects our intelligences. It also heals. We are doing it all wrong. It's such a simple fix. We are not supposed to only be in our cognitive. We are actually supposed to lead with our somatic with the cognitive is the assistant.
I have primary serotonin and dopamine deficits. There are no meds that address this. Discovering this has freed me to figure out a lot of things I would never have figured out if I had not been able to get that info directly instead of continuing to be subjected to attempts to use meds to do something meds can’t do.
Thanks for posting this. Much to think about and do.
This is well written and thought provoking. I think of a friend of mine from recovery rooms. He was so brilliant and he helped me so much to get sober. For years he thrived without medication. Then, something happened, after which he could never get back to stability long enough to stay sober again. It wasn't my job to fix him. I was free to simply love him and to have good boundaries with him when he was a jerk. I think it's great that there are consumers engaged in revising the system. My wise friend had a great deal of compassion for other people living on the streets and going through that system. He would spend his social security check on little gifts for all his fellows. Anyway, thanks for the essay.
Thank you for giving it a thoughtful read, Heather, and for sharing the story of your friend. Yes, it's amazing how much compassion and wisdom abound in all corners of our world.
Thank you for this, Maia. My father spent time in a state mental hospital (Utica, NY), and I doubt the experience did much good for him. I don’t know what his diagnosis was and even my mom and sisters didn’t know … which should tell you something. I remember he blamed himself for the Vietnam War, convinced that if he hadn’t quit his job at the creamery, the war wouldn’t have started and all those boys wouldn’t have died. He fixated on Oral Roberts and would tell us kids not to change the TV channel. I witnessed his shame at being “ill” and unable to hold a job. I witnessed the ridicule he suffered from my mother and the impatience from us, his kids. Maybe we couldn’t have “cured” him with love, but I believe he would have been less ill if he had been loved.
Marie... deep breath. I can feel the pain your words and that story about your dad. I am so sorry that you, your family, and especially your dad had to experience that level of suffering. Yes, the time I spent in the state mental hospital and other behavioral health care settings showed me that they rarely if ever are good for the patient, other than offering some semblance of structure and safety, for a short while.
There is so much shame, for both the person and their family. Yes, love makes a difference if not a 'cure,' but I also want to encourage you to see that it's not right for all this to fall on an individual, or a family. We also live in a society and culture that shames 'mental illness' (and even as there is some progress around stigma this is still basically the case) and that doesn't create spaces for people to truly heal, as best as they can. It's a very similar dynamic around elders and caregiving, where families are left to do this on their own and soon become drained, emotionally and financially. I wish it were otherwise, and I continue to hold a vision of a world where something else is possible.
Thank you for that insight, Maia, that “it’s not right for all this to fall on an individual, or a family.” My mom was left juggling work and four kids pretty much on her own. I can’t even imagine the stress, although we had other family members and friends who softened the edges. I think one of the problems with our (U.S.) society is that we tend to warehouse people, put them out of sight and, thus, out of mind. And yet we all, as you say, fall into these categories eventually even if temporarily (except for aging … that is not temporary). It’s not such a leap to believe that if we help others, we are helping ourselves.
Really thoughtful article! You pose some very important questions.
Still so much work to be done. I’m glad you were in Joe’s life, if only for a few years. He will remember you.
I am a savant with many crazy family members that are like Joe. The difference between them and myself is my trauma in infancy caused my brain to forge a connection between my somatic, cognitive, metacognitive and physical.
I grew up in hell. But my brain is wired to heal itself. I am living proof how higher intelligence is healthier. Even for a savant my brain functioning is exceptional. Yet in our systems I am labeled as neurodivergent and disordered. Creative Intelligence is pathologized.
Our systems are run by morons and psychopaths. The most sensitive are supposed function like my brain. The most creative are supposed to live with their emotions and intellect functioning as one. Our society causes all of this pain.
I have a process I teach the most creatives to understand how they learn. It reconnects our intelligences. It also heals. We are doing it all wrong. It's such a simple fix. We are not supposed to only be in our cognitive. We are actually supposed to lead with our somatic with the cognitive is the assistant.
I have primary serotonin and dopamine deficits. There are no meds that address this. Discovering this has freed me to figure out a lot of things I would never have figured out if I had not been able to get that info directly instead of continuing to be subjected to attempts to use meds to do something meds can’t do.
Which is to say: yes. And thank you for saying what you have said here,